I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell...
Yes, I'm quoting Matchbox 20. I am doing so because the phrase "I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell" so perfectly describes what it feels like when you are living with a health problem and develop quirks, fears and coping mechanisms as a result, which other people may well find rather strange.
At the risk of resembling a teenage girl seeking profound meaning in song lyrics, I have to admit that these lyrics really do effectively portray what it feels like, in my experience at least, when depression or anxiety starts to take hold: the isolation (mainly self-imposed), the drowning in thoughts, the heaviness, the fear, the feeling of pointlessness, the realisation that something is wrong and the terror that you're actually losing it, the feeling of not being understood by those around you paired with the worry that they will not be able to see past your 'weirdness' or difficulty and just walk away, the longing to get back to "how I used to be" when things were and felt normal...
All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be, me
I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell
Photo credit: Funky64 (www.lucarossato.com) via Visual Hunt / CC BY-NC-ND